This post was submitted by a member of the DCA Think Tank, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of the Cardozo Academy.
Recently yet another opportunity for Hareidi-bashing appeared, with the news that an 81 year-old woman is suing El Al after being forced to switch seats because a Hareidi man refused to sit next to her.
Rabbi Marc Angel commented on the incident in a short article, “Thoughts on the Scandal on an El Al Airplane.” He writes:
The Hareidi passenger who caused the female passenger to be moved thought he was within his Torah-true rights. He must have assumed that all the other men in the plane who were sitting next to women (other than their wives) were sinners. It did not occur to him that many of those men were … not less scrupulous in their religious observance, but more scrupulous. Whereas this Hareidi has brought great shame on Torah through his sexually-fixated worldview, the pious men and women who sat next to each other naturally and comfortably and respectfully brought honor to Torah.
Playing by the rules
First, let me say that I strongly believe that it is perhaps somewhat rude for a man to have asked a woman to move seats, if there was somewhere viable, by his rules, for him to move himself.
However, if there was nowhere viable under his rules for him to move to, and he asked the woman respectfully to move, I actually have no objection: “Excuse me, I wonder if you would be willing to move seats. Of course I would move if I could, and I realize that you have absolutely no obligation to do so, but under my interpretation of Jewish law, I am not allowed to sit next to a woman, and there is no seat available that does not put me next to a woman. This is not a reflection of your moral values, etc. If you do not wish to move, you have every right to stay where you are, of course.” Or something like that. No problem.
I understand that this is probably not what happened, but I think it’s important to state that in principle, this would be OK. I would absolutely not object if someone of another religion said to me, “Excuse me, given my understanding of the world, it would be forbidden for me to sit next to you if your cup was filled with an orange liquid. If you don’t mind not asking for orange juice when the steward comes around, I would be most grateful, but, of course, if you have been looking forward to orange juice, then that is absolutely your right and I will have to find my own solution.”
The straw man argument
In the airplane scenario, it makes no difference if I agree with the offending man’s particular interpretation of Jewish law or not. However, Rabbi Angel uses a straw man argument to mock the Hareidi man who asked the 81 year old woman to move. He says, “If he was so sexually aroused by this 81 year old woman as to be unable to maintain his composure during the flight, he could simply have asked the stewardess to find him another seat.”
What Rabbi Angel misses here is that for the Hareidi man, the age of the woman and his ability or inability to maintain his composure is absolutely not the point. I find this refreshing! It’s not age-ist! The point is not that the woman is or is not beyond an age to sexually attract another person but that, in his mind, there is a halacha that says that he can’t sit next to a woman! Any woman. Her status as a woman does not depend on whether he in particular finds her sexually attractive or not! (If the woman in question has a partner, I hope her partner finds her attractive, even if Rabbi Angel cannot imagine that being the case.) The notion that only young women are are to be avoided, in other words that only young women count as women, is a chauvinist concept that I am delighted not to see in Judaism.
Married women do not stop covering their hair at any age, including those that think that they are covering it because hair is erva. (Again, whether you agree with this reasoning or not.) We do not, and should not, mock them for thinking that they have to cover their hair even though they are not nubile young women. We don’t make fun of women who cover their hair for thinking that men would be “unable to maintain their composure” around them. And we should not! These women cover their hair because they think it is the halacha, not because any particular man may or may not find their hair attractive. The way they follow halacha does not depend on the subjective experience of random men. And the way the Hareidi man in question follows halacha shouldn’t either. The woman he asked to move is a woman. It doesn’t matter who finds her attractive, and making fun of him on the assumption that he finds her attractive is rude to both of them.
Critique, yes, but for the right reasons
It is too easy for us to target Hareidim and we should stop doing so except when our arguments are sound (and then only respectfully). Rabbi Angel says that the man in the plane should have been the one to move. Maybe this man is an absolute jerk who believes that he is the center of the universe and that women don’t count as human beings. But maybe not. Maybe he would happily have been the one to move, but there was no seat in the cabin available next to a man. Who knows? No news accounts mocking this man clarify the matter, as far as I have read. We are just taking the opportunity to do some fun Hareidi bashing.
I have no problem criticizing Hareidim for legitimate reasons. This may or may not be one of them.
Click here to read “Hareidi-Bashing, Modesty, and Normative Values: A response to Yael Valier” by Think Tank member E.S.
About Yael Valier
Yael Valier is the creative director of Theater and Theology, a Jerusalem-based theater company. The company allows her to combine her experience in theater and her interest in the beauties and quirks of religion to produce meaningful entertainment during productions and in post-performance discussions with her audiences. Yael is a drama teacher at Midreshet Emuna V’Omanut, another forum in which to explore Torah through the arts. Yael translates from Hebrew to English texts that are meant to be heard – TV screenplays, rhyming children’s books, and publicity videos. She also translates from French to English, specializing in Jewish history and scholarship. Yael is a voice actor, and you can hear her voice multiple characters in several current programs for the Fox Network’s Baby TV channel. Yael and her patent attorney husband, Dan Goldstein, collaborate on various fun educational projects, such as this science and geography album that they co-produced: www.TremendousEarth.com.
The issue is not about whether or not the man has a correct interpretation of halacha — the issue is who owns the public space. Public space belongs to both women and men. Let’s extend the example and imagine someone whose religion requires him never to look at Jews because doing so would render him impure. Would it be acceptable for him to come up to you and say “Excuse me, of course you have the right to do whatever you like but due to my religious needs I would prefer for you to never to leave your house if I happen to be nearby”. The request is phrased respectfully but it is fundamentally disrespectful because it is not your job, as a Jew, to voluntarily diminish your humanity. He has a problem with Jews but it’s HIS problem. It’s not your problem. He needs to solve that problem — the solution cannot be that you become invisible for his sake. This is how most women in general society experience the Haredi request. Within Haredi circles, the same behavior is respectful. Outside those circles is it considered humiliating. The Haredi community needs to bridge this gap. If they don’t wish to “lower” their standards or make use of leniencies for the sake of avoiding chillul haShem and for the sake of peace, then they need to make other arrangements. They can travel by boat. They can travel by train. They can travel with their wives at all times. They can travel with a non-Jewish companion. They can refrain from traveling. Yes, those are all expensive and inconvenient solutions but they are better than asking women to do humiliate themselves. If the woman refused to sit next to a Jew, there would be an uproar. If the man had refused to sit next to a black person, likewise. What is it about being female that makes so many men but also women so willing to tolerate bad behavior? Orange juice is a neutral request. Sex segregation is not a neutral request — it infringes on the rights of both women and men to use public space on an equal basis. Even if I have sympathy for the Haredi man, from the point of view of halacha and Jewish tradition, I do not have sympathy for the attempt to impose their specific customs on everyone else. Haredim do a lot of flying. El Al should consider sex segregated flights, there is probably a market for it, and I would have no problem with that.